Redskins fans suck ass

Just came from my first Redskins game. They got beat by the Titans 25-22. And the Redskins fans are the worst I have ever seen. I have never seen so much crybaby entitlement in my life. Every call that went against the Redskins, no matter how glaringly obvious, was considered a part of a master conspiracy plan and then was immediately booed. The refs were paid, they were blind— BOO. Which you hear at every sporting event. BUT NOT ON EVERY FUCKING PLAY. 90% of the stadium was in on this. Every play that didn't work— chorus of boos. It was the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen or heard. My extreme favoritism for college athletics was confirmed in the biggest way today. The most ironic thing— a college athletic event will be attended by a very high percentage of immature, rude, idiotic, ignorant 18-24 year-olds; and they will show more decorum than an NFL stadium full of adult professionals from the the most educated area of the U.S.

Rough rooms are... rough

When you are about to go on stage and half the room leaves, that sucks. Maybe they have heard about me, or seen me, maybe it is coincidence, I don't know. But it sucks. Which was the case tonight. And you get on stage after seeing all of those people walk out the door, and you have to bring it. Which I didn't. Bring it that is. And I was dumb enough to try out new material. Which bombed. I guess the point I am trying to make is, to all of you people who left— I am putting this one on you. You suck for making me bomb, after all it is your fault. Technically.


Before I went on tonight, I ate a giant slice of pizza from the giant-slice-of-pizza place between 14th and 13th on U Street in DC. It is a slice of pizza that is roughly the size of newborn whale. It fits on two plates. It is ridiculous. And cheap. $4.50 for a slice. Which got me thinking. How the hell can you charge so little for so much food? What is their overhead? Maybe they have little or no overhead. Maybe the pepperoni isn't pepperoni. Maybe the pepperoni is soylent green or kittens. Which is a shrewd business move that I have to begrudgingly applaud, if it is the case.

Tatum Bell will lead the NFL in rushing this year. You heard it here first.

Top 10 college basketball teams of the last 25 years

In my opinion, which is a very educated and good one. I am not even putting in my beloved 1995 & 2004 Oklahoma State teams (although they were badass).

10. Florida 2006— Very impressive run in the tournament. Dominant, and never really in doubt. Time might change their position. Time will hopefully also make that Noah kid look human.
9. UNC 2005— dominant team all season long. No weaknesses, no problem with the tourney. And they were able to keep Sean Maye away from Dunkin Donuts JUST enough. Well played Roy Williams.
8. UNLV 1991— as athletic of a team as there ever was. Fast, quick, good shooters, good everything. Too bad they thought they could just coast through the tourney, Duke exacted revenge for the previous year's beating in the final. Overconfident asses, but talented as hell.
7. Houston 1983— Yes, NC State's win was dramatic and incredible, but the best team in the land lost that day. Houston would have won that game 99 times out of a hundred.
6. UConn 2004— Very dominant, no answer for Okafur and Ben Gordon. But damn I wish I could have seen OSU play them in the final. You suck Will Bynum.
5. Duke 1992— again a dominant team, and one that I hated. Classic in the elite eight with UK. The best part was when Thomas Hill of Duke came out of the closet when Laettner hit the game winner. He was crying like Publisher's Clearinghouse just showed up at his house.
4. UNC 1982— Jordan and Worthy, very good team that beat a damn good Georgetown team in the finals.
3. UNLV 1990— I would switch this with the '91 team were it not that one won the title, one didn't. And it didn't hurt their position that they won the title game by 30 FREAKING POINTS.
2. Georgetown 1985— Patrick Ewing was dominant, stupid knee pads and all, and the best team in the land (debatable)for 3 years running finally won the title.
1. Kentucky 1996— Maybe the most dominant team on the list, certainly the best. Nine guys on that team played in the league. Nine.
* Derek Anderson
* Tony Delk
* Walter McCarty
* Ron Mercer
* Nazr Mohammed
* Mark Pope
* Jeff Sheppard
* Wayne Turner
* Antoine Walker

And on that note I do have to give my OSU 2004 team credit, as they have 5 guys from that team in the league right now. Which pales in comparison to the '96 UK squad but is impressive nonetheless.
* Tony Allen
* John Lucas III
* Joey Graham
* Stephen Graham
* Ivan Mcfarlin

Bowling is for fools... unless I am playing well

Went bowling tonight, company party type thing. I sucked big time. I like bowling, but when I am sucking, I hate it. All I get out of it is the emberassment of getting a shitty score and a sore wrist. One of my coworkers, Shelden Bream (you may remember his older brother Sid scoring the winning run in the '92 NLCS for the Braves) was talking about how he sucked, etc. blah blah, then he proceeds to throw fifty strikes and scored about a 160. I got one strike in two games. Fucking horseapples.

I will be at the Laughing Lizard this weekend. Which is nice, because it is in my 'hood. It is literally 4 blocks away. There will be some big-time talent on hand, Ryan Conner, Kojo Mante, Tyler Sonnichsen (it is his show, and he is funny), Andy Kline, Brandon Ivey (who I saw eat an entire jar of mayonnaise on stage a couple of weeks ago), and a few people I have not seen but have heard great things about, Tyler Richardson, Rob Maher, and Bird Knight. Should be much fun, and all two of you who read my blog should go. Actually, it is just one person, I shouldn't count myself. Hey,you. You should go.

Dane Cook

So I watched Dane Cook's new HBO special the other night, Vicious Circle. Don't get me wrong, I respect the hell out of the guy, but he is coasting right now. I didn't make it through the whole special. Every premise of every joke I saw was so weak and the delivery was so hacky. It was as if he thought he could just do whatever he wanted up there and he would get laughs and thunderous applause. Turns out he was right. But the audience at my house (i.e. me, my dog and my wife who was asleep) was not impressed. It was disappointing, but not surprising. I just hope David Cross never gets stadium audiences and a show about him and a couple of other comics on a college tour.

Get out your hallucinogens

My friend Makk Sabbath sent this to me the other day. Normally I would never forward this, post this, etc. because I am just not a forwarding, posting videos that were sent to me kind of guy. But I will definitely make an exception for this. I have no idea what the context of it is, or where it came from, but it is gold.