My first room

I finally have my first room. Solly's Tavern on U street. The venue truly couldn't be better for an open mic. I am psyched. It will be a monthly showcase, which I prefer. I would rather save up for one night of awesome each month, instead of having mediocre every week (hopefully that is how it will go). The first show will be on the 28th of March and will feature local favorites Larry Poon, Kojo Monte, Seaton Smith, Tyler Sonnichsen, Jason Weems, Jim Elliott, me and a few others yet to be determined.

OSU basketball looked like it was back on track the other night against K-State. Then Mario Boggan proved that some people are just THAT stupid when he headbutted Cartier Martin. Now he is suspended which will probably knock OSU out of tourney contention, they will struggle without him. Which makes March Sadness, not madness.

It has been a while

My Oklahoma State bball team looked AWESOME before February. 15 wins, 1 loss, kicking ass. Now they look BLOSSOM. As in they look like Mayim Bialik. Not awesome. Last night they got pasted at home by 20. Not acceptable, and I am being a pissy little baby about it.

I performed at the DC Improv last week. I had a terrible set. I told jokes that were safe and that I knew very well and I have told them so much that I no longer even like them. Subsequently I looked like a guy on stage telling jokes that he doesn't even like, which nobody should be subjected to.

This video is awesome. Please view.

Don't call it a comeback

I took off for about a month. No comedy for the last 4 weeks or so. Which was hard, but necessary. I have been busy with my home business and insanely busy where I work.

But I made my return this past weekend at the Laughing Lizard.
What do you think happened? If you said 'you rocked the shit out of shit' then you are right my friend.

Michael Richards is the biggest idiot on the planet right now. KKKramer. How can someone who has made it as far as he has, career-wise, just throw it all away in one of the dumbest ways possible? He is done in the entertainment industry. It reminds me of when Paul Reubens threw his career away. But I think this is worse for Michael Richards. At least Paul Reubens was able to get SOME work later on, I don't know if KKKramer will be able to. Good for Pee Wee that he only got caught jerkin it to porn. It could have been worse. He could have dropped the N bomb in front of Cowboy Curtis.

OSU football, Drafthouse, meeting Colin Powell, yada yada yada

So my Cowboys choked a couple of weeks ago against aTm. It didn't help that our superstar QB Bobby Reid went out with a concussion to start the 2nd quarter. We lost on a blocked extra point in OT. Which was a huge kick in the nuts. After the game, I decided I was going to put it behind me, go do a set of comedy at the Laughing Lizard down the street and not let it ruin my weekend. I am there for probably half an hour, ready to go on stage and forget about my shitty football watching experience, and in walks a girl with an Oklahoma State t-shirt. I said to her, "get the fuck out. That game really sucked, huh"? Because clearly only a true OSU fan would be wearing an OSU t-shirt out to the bar in northern Virginia right after a game. But no, she got it as a gift from family in Oklahoma and she was just wearing it to wear it. Or you could say she was just wearing it because god likes to kick me in the nuts repeatedly.

Then the next weekend we kicked the shit out of Nebraska. Holler.

And tomorrow we will shock the world and beat Texas at Texas. That's right WE.

I was in the Drafthouse comedy competition last week. I didn't make it to the finals, but there was no shame in losing to my competition. Everyone was really good.

Yesterday I met Colin Powell. Shook his hand and everything. I directed him in a photoshoot. How insane is that? I didn't get photographic evidence like I had hoped, he just got off a plane from overseas and was clearly too tired to deal with me for very long. But it was cool nonetheless.

Redskins fans suck ass

Just came from my first Redskins game. They got beat by the Titans 25-22. And the Redskins fans are the worst I have ever seen. I have never seen so much crybaby entitlement in my life. Every call that went against the Redskins, no matter how glaringly obvious, was considered a part of a master conspiracy plan and then was immediately booed. The refs were paid, they were blind— BOO. Which you hear at every sporting event. BUT NOT ON EVERY FUCKING PLAY. 90% of the stadium was in on this. Every play that didn't work— chorus of boos. It was the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen or heard. My extreme favoritism for college athletics was confirmed in the biggest way today. The most ironic thing— a college athletic event will be attended by a very high percentage of immature, rude, idiotic, ignorant 18-24 year-olds; and they will show more decorum than an NFL stadium full of adult professionals from the the most educated area of the U.S.

Rough rooms are... rough

When you are about to go on stage and half the room leaves, that sucks. Maybe they have heard about me, or seen me, maybe it is coincidence, I don't know. But it sucks. Which was the case tonight. And you get on stage after seeing all of those people walk out the door, and you have to bring it. Which I didn't. Bring it that is. And I was dumb enough to try out new material. Which bombed. I guess the point I am trying to make is, to all of you people who left— I am putting this one on you. You suck for making me bomb, after all it is your fault. Technically.


Before I went on tonight, I ate a giant slice of pizza from the giant-slice-of-pizza place between 14th and 13th on U Street in DC. It is a slice of pizza that is roughly the size of newborn whale. It fits on two plates. It is ridiculous. And cheap. $4.50 for a slice. Which got me thinking. How the hell can you charge so little for so much food? What is their overhead? Maybe they have little or no overhead. Maybe the pepperoni isn't pepperoni. Maybe the pepperoni is soylent green or kittens. Which is a shrewd business move that I have to begrudgingly applaud, if it is the case.

Tatum Bell will lead the NFL in rushing this year. You heard it here first.

Top 10 college basketball teams of the last 25 years

In my opinion, which is a very educated and good one. I am not even putting in my beloved 1995 & 2004 Oklahoma State teams (although they were badass).

10. Florida 2006— Very impressive run in the tournament. Dominant, and never really in doubt. Time might change their position. Time will hopefully also make that Noah kid look human.
9. UNC 2005— dominant team all season long. No weaknesses, no problem with the tourney. And they were able to keep Sean Maye away from Dunkin Donuts JUST enough. Well played Roy Williams.
8. UNLV 1991— as athletic of a team as there ever was. Fast, quick, good shooters, good everything. Too bad they thought they could just coast through the tourney, Duke exacted revenge for the previous year's beating in the final. Overconfident asses, but talented as hell.
7. Houston 1983— Yes, NC State's win was dramatic and incredible, but the best team in the land lost that day. Houston would have won that game 99 times out of a hundred.
6. UConn 2004— Very dominant, no answer for Okafur and Ben Gordon. But damn I wish I could have seen OSU play them in the final. You suck Will Bynum.
5. Duke 1992— again a dominant team, and one that I hated. Classic in the elite eight with UK. The best part was when Thomas Hill of Duke came out of the closet when Laettner hit the game winner. He was crying like Publisher's Clearinghouse just showed up at his house.
4. UNC 1982— Jordan and Worthy, very good team that beat a damn good Georgetown team in the finals.
3. UNLV 1990— I would switch this with the '91 team were it not that one won the title, one didn't. And it didn't hurt their position that they won the title game by 30 FREAKING POINTS.
2. Georgetown 1985— Patrick Ewing was dominant, stupid knee pads and all, and the best team in the land (debatable)for 3 years running finally won the title.
1. Kentucky 1996— Maybe the most dominant team on the list, certainly the best. Nine guys on that team played in the league. Nine.
* Derek Anderson
* Tony Delk
* Walter McCarty
* Ron Mercer
* Nazr Mohammed
* Mark Pope
* Jeff Sheppard
* Wayne Turner
* Antoine Walker

And on that note I do have to give my OSU 2004 team credit, as they have 5 guys from that team in the league right now. Which pales in comparison to the '96 UK squad but is impressive nonetheless.
* Tony Allen
* John Lucas III
* Joey Graham
* Stephen Graham
* Ivan Mcfarlin